* More Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously*

*Why God Never Received Tenure at Any University*
 1. He had only one major publication.
 2. It was in Hebrew.
 3. It had no references.
 4. It wasn't published in a referredjournal.
 5. Some doubt He wrote it by Himself.
 6. He mayhave created the world, but what has he done since?
 7. Thescientific community can't replicate His results.
 8. He nevergot permission from the ethics board to use human subjects.
 9.When one experiment went awry, He tried to cover it up by drowning
thesubjects.
 10. He rarely came to class and just told students,"Read the Book."
 11. Some say He had His son teach class.
12. He expelled His first two students.
13. His office hours were irregular and sometimes held on a mountain top.
 14. Althoughthere were only 10 requirements, all students failed save His
Son.


* Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously*

      - Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
- A day without sunshine is like...night.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Remember, half the people you know are below average.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets thecheese in
the trap.
- Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
- How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.