Fwd: helpful tips in breaking bad habits

Fight Your Inner Chicken

Beth Weissenberger

We all have excuses for why we have not yet achieved our goals... and why it is not worth making the changes required to pursue our goals now. "It's too hard"... "too frightening"... or "just not the right time."
We take the safer, easier way out whether that means keeping our current job rather than trying something different that we would rather do... keeping quiet rather than standing up for ourselves... or continuing to indulge in bad habits rather than disciplining ourselves to change behaviors, such as overeating or not exercising.
According to principles taught by the executive-coaching Handel Group, these excuses come from our "inner chicken," that voice in our head that keeps us from taking a challenging path. We accept our inner chicken's excuses as valid, even when they are clearly flawed, because believing that the easy course is the proper course is less painful than admitting that we are deeply and perhaps irrationally afraid of the alternative.
To overcome your inner chicken...

Reflect on what you would like your life to be like. What are your goals in your professional life... family life... social life... and financial life?

Thinking about your goals lures your inner chicken from its pen to offer up excuses. Write down your chicken's excuses. Become familiar with them. This familiarity will make it easier to see through them later.
Example: When a middle manager who attended one of our seminars thought about his professional goals, his inner chicken warned him that his family life was too busy for him to devote more time to his career... and the economy was too iffy to take professional chances. When his boss asked if he would like to lead an important presentation, the manager's first thoughts were that he was too busy and that failing at this assignment could cost him his job at a time when new jobs were scarce. But because he learned that it was his inner chicken talking, he identified his excuses as fear responses. He figured out how he could schedule his time so that he could make the project a priority without neglecting his family. He also reminded himself that, in a tough job market, not taking a chance could be as risky as taking one.

Ask an expert or friend to evaluate your inner chicken's excuses. Obtaining an outside perspective often is the best way to separate valid excuses from those rooted in fear.

If an excuse is medical in nature, ask your doctor whether it is valid... if it is professional, ask a career coach, business consultant or mentor... if it is about a relationship, speak with a marriage counselor or pastoral counselor. If this expert agrees that your excuse is valid, that does not free you from pursuing the goal -- it simply means that you should pursue it via a different route.
Example: Your goal is to lose 50 pounds, but your inner chicken warns you that jogging may damage your knees. If a doctor agrees, give up jogging -- but replace it with biking or swimming.
If you lack the time or money to consult an expert, ask a friend or family member to evaluate the excuse -- but choose this evaluator carefully. Family and friends tend to let us get away with our excuses because they want to tell us what we want to hear... or because their own inner chickens make similar excuses. Your evaluator must be both savvy enough to see through flawed excuses and plainspoken enough to tell you difficult truths.
If you find an effective evaluator, ask this person to serve this role for you on an ongoing basis. Send him/her a weekly e-mail summarizing your goals, the steps you have taken to pursue them and your excuses for not doing more. Request an honest critique.

When your inner chicken starts clucking, remind yourself of the high costs of remaining in your box. We all prefer the safety of our comfort zones, and the chicken helps us stay there. But we pay a huge price for this safety.

A life without risk is a life without excitement and adventure... without feelings of accomplishment... and without any hope of fulfilling our dreams. Reflect upon these costs whenever you're tempted to choose the comfortable path. Our greatest happiness usually is found on the other side of fear.
Also, consider that facing fears is good practice. Like it or not, events outside of our control force us out of our comfort zone eventually. We'll be better able to cope with these situations if we previously have taken ourselves out of this comfort zone.
Example: Those who have remained in one job their whole career for fear of change are likely to have more trouble rebounding from a layoff than those who have been through the job-hunting process several times before.

Confront your inner chicken about being nonconfrontational. Our inner chickens often are afraid of standing up to others. They feed us reasons why it's better to just live with the annoying behavior of those around us. They assure us that confrontations are unpleasant... and that voicing displeasure only makes bad situations worse.

The secret to overcoming an inner chicken's nonconfrontational nature is to learn how to stage successful confrontations. Five keys...
Consider the matter from the opposite side before speaking up. Does this person have a good reason for doing whatever is annoying you? Are you doing anything that annoys this person?
Wait until this person is alone before raising the subject. People tend to become embarrassed and defensive when confronted in a group.
Ask for "permission" to raise a difficult issue before voicing your complaint. "I have something difficult to say. Is it okay with you if I say it?"
Present your complaint as something that could be done differently, not as a matter of right and wrong. Assume that this person does not realize that he/she is causing offense. Avoid any hint of righteousness or blame. Remember that this is all your opinion and from your point of view.

Do one thing each day that scares you. Tell someone what you really think, even if it's not what he wants to hear. Schedule an appointment that you have been putting off. Try a new food. Ask for a discount at a store. Spend time with a teen who has been angry and distant.

It's best to face fears that bring you closer to your goals, but facing any fear at least teaches you that you can stand up to your inner chicken. Facing one fear each day eliminates the paralysis of trying to face all of your fears at once. After you become good at addressing small fears, you can work up to larger issues.
Helpful: Keep a list of fears and the actions you could take to confront them. That will make it harder for your inner chicken to convince you to take a day off from facing fears.

Call yourself names. When you hear excuses in your head, call yourself a chicken. Silly as it sounds, this self-teasing can balance out your inclination to listen to your chicken -- and drive you toward braver choices.

Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Beth Weissenberger, cofounder and COO of The Handel Group, a corporate, private and educational coaching company based in New York City. The Handel Group's corporate clients include Sony BMG and New York University School of Medicine. www.HandelGroup.com

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