Church bulletin bloopers..smile

Brothers-Thank you for the support of the  St Joe"s elevator fundraising event today -here are some smiles

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. 

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. 

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy." 

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 

Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow. 

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 

Don't let worry kill you, the church can help. 

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. 

Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister. 

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday. 

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals." 

During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit. 

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility. 

This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

--
Hollecrest & Associates Inc  -"Turnaround Consultants"  .

Sunridge Lodge   "Back to Eden"  Quality 24/7 care
261 Oakhill Drive, Brantford  backtoeden.ontario@gmail.com
"Building elder peer communities that are cozy,caring and comfortable" -
 
Brant Positive Action Group  "a positive community affirmative action group"

promoting goodwill and timely cost effective creative solutions to enhance the competitive well being of Brant, Brantford and Six Nations 

good advice

If You Had to Do it All Over Again ... 
Zig Ziglar

If you had it to do all over again ... 

This question is frequently asked of people after they've reached a certain age in life. One unknown father gave the question some serious thought and came up with some answers I believe have a lot of merit: 

1. "I would love my wife more in front of my children," simply meaning he would speak more words of affection, hold her hand more, put his arm around her more and hug her more. 

2. "I would laugh with my children more at our mistakes and joys." Laughter breeds happiness, and a happy home has far fewer problems. 

3. "I would listen more, even to the smallest child." It is amazing what little ones can teach us as those "pearls of wisdom" often come tumbling out. 

4. "I would be more honest about my own weaknesses and stop pretending perfection." Kids know we are not perfect, and it's comforting to them to know we can acknowledge our humanness. 

5. "I would pray differently for my family. Instead of focusing on them, I'd focus on me." After all, that's really where it starts. 

6. "I would do more things together with my children." We repeatedly hear about fathers who get too busy to spend precious moments walking, talking, playing, shopping, fishing, cycling, etc., with their children. That's where bonding takes place. 

7. "I would be more encouraging and bestow more praise." It is said that encouragement is the fuel of hope. And praise, particularly for effort, brings about even more effort in the future. 

8. "I would pay more attention to little things, deeds and words of love and kindness." When you add all those little things up over a lifetime, they make a huge difference. 

9. "I would share God more intimately with my family through ordinary things that happen in a day." 

This unknown father has some marvelous lessons we can all use. Take his approach, and I'll see you at the top! 

--
Hollecrest & Associates Inc  -"Turnaround Consultants"  .

Sunridge Lodge   "Back to Eden"  Quality 24/7 care
261 Oakhill Drive, Brantford  backtoeden.ontario@gmail.com
"Building elder peer communities that are cozy,caring and comfortable" -
 
Brant Positive Action Group  "a positive community affirmative action group"

promoting goodwill and timely cost effective creative solutions to enhance the competitive well being of Brant, Brantford and Six Nations 

Freedom of religion food for tjought

Daily Encounter by  Richard (Dick) Innes of ACTS International... Please be a missionary and:  1. To forward Daily Encounter to friends CLICK HERE      and then on the  button. 2. To become a People Power for Jesus Partner:     CLICK HERE 3. To receive the TEXT edition of Daily Encounter rather      than this HTML edition with pictures, CLICK HERE. 4. See Weekend Encounter ... without charge every      weekend: quotes, humor, practical tips. For the      current edition CLICK HERE. Tuesday, February 15, 2011 1. Freedom of Religion Vs Freedom of Worship  "We [the High Priest] gave you strict orders not to teach in this name," he said. "Yet you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching and are determined to make us guilty of this man's blood." Peter and the other apostles replied: "We must obey God rather than men!"1 In his weekly American News Commentary Jerry Beavan wrote, "We pointed out that since November, 2009, Mr. Xxxxx and his people have been using the term "Freedom of Worship," instead of the traditional "Freedom of Religion" as provided in the United States Constitution. In 2009, two clergymen, Dr. Gary Dull and Rev. David Kistler, announced in Washington the formation of The Faith and Freedom Institute (TFFI), to stress the Christian principles which have made America great. . . . TFFI points out that "Freedom of Worship" would force people to practice their faith behind closed doors."2 "Freedom of Worship" can be extremely deceptive in that it can totally eliminate "Freedom of Religion." Freedom of worship means we would be free to worship as we please in the privacy of our own home but not necessarily anywhere else. Furthermore, without freedom of religion preaching against certain behaviors that God's Word condemns and calls sin, could be labeled as hate crimes and, as such, be punishable by law that could include a prison term. Freedom of worship could, in time, prohibit the preaching of the Gospel and Word of God in churches and in any public place or arena throughout the country. Be not deceived, politicians can be extremely gifted in the use of words to deny reality and deceive the masses. The thin end of the wedge for controlling what churches can or cannot preach in the years ahead is already being forged. Recently I received an email message from a young man in a Muslim country where there is no freedom of religion. This fellow wanted to know how he could pray to Jesus, telling me that if he got caught, he would get his throat slit. For Muslims, praying means praying out loud and often in public. So I told him that he could safely pray to Jesus in the privacy of his own dwelling if he were alone, or just in the quiet of his mind and heart.  With the ever increasing anti-Christian attitude by so many here in North America wanting to get rid of God and every vestige of Christianity from the public arena, if/when we are forbidden to speak out against and/or preach the full council of God's Word, will we, like the disciples of Jesus also say, "We must obey God rather than men" and be willing to pay the consequences?

--
Hollecrest & Associates Inc  -"Turnaround Consultants"  .

Sunridge Lodge   "Back to Eden"  Quality 24/7 care
261 Oakhill Drive, Brantford  backtoeden.ontario@gmail.com
"Building elder peer communities that are cozy,caring and comfortable" -
 
Brant Positive Action Group  "a positive community affirmative action group"

promoting goodwill and timely cost effective creative solutions to enhance the competitive well being of Brant, Brantford and Six Nations 

smile for those who take life very seriously

Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

1. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. 
2. A day without sunshine is like, night 
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 
4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory. 
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 
8. Honk if you love peace and quiet. 
9. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 
10. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 
11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 
12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap. 
13 I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. 
14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. 
15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week. 
16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 
17. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 
18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade! 
19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. 
20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it! 
21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. 
22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand... 
23. OK, so what's the speed of dark? 
24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 
25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 
26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 
27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. 
28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. 
29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 
30. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 
31. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 
32. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 
33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. 
34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. 
35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? 
36. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. 
37 Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off. 
38. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

--
Hollecrest & Associates Inc  -"Turnaround Consultants"  .

Sunridge Lodge   "Back to Eden"  Quality 24/7 care
261 Oakhill Drive, Brantford  backtoeden.ontario@gmail.com
"Building elder peer communities that are cozy,caring and comfortable" -
 
Brant Positive Action Group  "a positive community affirmative action group"

promoting goodwill and timely cost effective creative solutions to enhance the competitive well being of Brant, Brantford and Six Nations 

why competition works - restrictions often fail -worth a read

history shows that regulated solutions do not always work 

http://www.fcpp.org/publication.php/3544

--
Hollecrest & Associates Inc  -"Turnaround Consultants"  .

Sunridge Lodge   "Back to Eden"  Quality 24/7 care
261 Oakhill Drive, Brantford  backtoeden.ontario@gmail.com
"Building elder peer communities that are cozy,caring and comfortable" -
 
Brant Positive Action Group  "a positive community affirmative action group"

promoting goodwill and timely cost effective creative solutions to enhance the competitive well being of Brant, Brantford and Six Nations 

Helpful senior texting short cuts -smile

ATD: At The Doctor's

BFF: Best Friend Farted

BTW: Bring The Wheelchair

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center

DWI: Driving While Incontinent

FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!

GHA: Got Heartburn Again

HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL: Living On Lipitor

LWO: Lawrence Welk's On

OMMR: On My Massage Recliner

OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.

ROFL...CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing...

Can't Get Up

SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop

TTYL: Talk To You Louder

WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?

WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again

WTP: Where's The Prunes?

WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil

--
Hollecrest & Associates Inc  -"Turnaround Consultants"  .

Sunridge Lodge   "Back to Eden"  Quality 24/7 care
261 Oakhill Drive, Brantford  backtoeden.ontario@gmail.com
"Building elder peer communities that are cozy,caring and comfortable" -
 
Brant Positive Action Group  "a positive community affirmative action group"

promoting goodwill and timely cost effective creative solutions to enhance the competitive well being of Brant, Brantford and Six Nations 

De rat the race please

The Days of Bridge and Leisure -- Why Not Again? 
Chris Durst and Michael Haaren

Many Americans have been justifiably demoralized by record unemployment and "underemployment" rates. And experts are predicting that we may never reach pre-recession employment levels. 

Such news makes the 1990s sound positively magnifique. But let's step back a few more years and see what we've really left behind and what we might aim for even yet. 

BASELINE: THE 1950s 

As many boomers can testify, the 1950s were pretty good years, money-wise. Dad drove a new car to a stable job from the new house in the new suburb, and the average commute was well under an hour. Mom didn't have to work outside the home if she didn't want to. 

There was leisure , too. (Remember that word? Sounds like Middle English, now.) On the weekends, people played bridge. In 1958, Charles Goren, a famous bridge player, appeared on the cover of Time. Bridge was "America's No. 1 Card Game." Goren had a TV show and a column in Sports Illustrated. No skimpy swimsuit, just plain cards. People played golf and tennis. They joined country clubs. They dressed up and went to "cocktail parties." 

Now, it all sounds like the Russian nobility, kicking up their heels before the Bolshevik Revolution. 

FAST FORWARD TO 2011 

If you're driving a new car these days, that guy in the rearview mirror with the tattooed pate and intent look on his face is probably a repo man (followed by a reality TV crew). 

And if you expect to have a lifelong job, you may have just tumbled out of a flying saucer and haven't woken up yet. (In distant galaxies, the 1950s may still prevail.) 

If you commute an hour each way, count your blessings. In northern Virginia recently, with a bit of snow on the road, it took Mike eight and a half hours to drive 9 miles. Some drivers took 13 hours to cover their 20-mile commute. 

Bridge? A reckless few might play solitaire on their computers at work now and then (if they've still got a job). But it's awfully hard to imagine someone coming home from a 60-hour week working three part-time jobs to spend their four remaining minutes of free weekend time joyfully relaxing with complex statistical calculations and strategic hypotheses. You might as well go back to work or help your kids with algebra. 

For our part, we haven't been to any cocktail parties or country clubs lately, though that's not to say we wouldn't go if invited (if we could find the time or the energy; or maybe we'd send an avatar). Some people still play golf and tennis -- though the recession has hurt these industries, too. But it's much cheaper and more convenient to pick up a Wii controller and play on the screen. And you might actually cajole your partner or an offspring into joining you, too, and spend some precious time together. 

FAST FORWARD TO 2021 

Times have changed again. But now, people are working from home as often as they like, and when they walk down the street for lunch, they meet their neighbors and have a meal together. 

The choice of jobs and occupations is much broader and more interesting than it used to be, because employers don't have to be local. With advanced videoconferencing and other communications, you can interact realistically with anyone just about anywhere. 

The workweek has receded to reasonable levels, because younger workers finally drew the line and refused to accept their parents' crushing schedules. Many have gone into business for themselves, rediscovering the entrepreneurial drive that used to be a signal trait of the American spirit. 

And now we have bridge, too. If not the card game, something even better -- a bridge to a better life. 

Christine Durst and Michael Haaren are leaders in the work-at-home movement and advocates of de-rat-raced living. 

--
Hollecrest & Associates Inc  -"Turnaround Consultants"  .

Sunridge Lodge   "Back to Eden"  Quality 24/7 care
261 Oakhill Drive, Brantford  backtoeden.ontario@gmail.com
"Building elder peer communities that are cozy,caring and comfortable" -
 
Brant Positive Action Group  "a positive community affirmative action group"

promoting goodwill and timely cost effective creative solutions to enhance the competitive well being of Brant, Brantford and Six Nations 

Interesting mystery explained

The Economics of Sex

Basic economic theory holds that demand goes up when price goes down. The authors of the new book Spousonomics explain how to apply this to improving your sex life.

Look Hot, Feel Cold

How turning down the thermostat in winter may help make you skinnier (not to mention making your heating bill cheaper).

--
Hollecrest & Associates Inc   -"Turnaround Consultants"  .

Sunridge Lodge   "Back to Eden" quality 24/7 care
261 Oakhill Drive, Brantford  backtoeden.ontario@gmail.com
"Building elder peer communities that are cozy,caring and comfortable" -
 
Brant Positive Action Group

-a positive community affirmative action group that promotes goodwill and
timely cost effective creative solutions to enhance the competitive well
being of Brant Brantford and Six Nations 

apology is the right thing to do

New Orleans diocese posts slave records
NEW ORLEANS (UPI) -- Archbishop Gregory Aymond of New Orleans
apologized for the Catholic Church's role in slavery Tuesday as he
released a database of early records.

The archdiocese launched the Internet database, which includes
thousands of baptisms and weddings at St. Louis Cathedral between 1777
and 1801, the (New Orleans) Times-Picayune reported. Archivist Emilie
Leumas said the archdiocese hopes to put all its colonial-era records
from 1718 to 1812, when Louisiana became part of the United States, on
line by next year.

Aymond said Tuesday was selected for release of the first records
because it is the beginning of Black History Month. He said he wanted
to recognize the role played by slaves and free blacks in the history
of the church and the church's own record as a slave owner.

Aymond pointed out that the records for slaves do not use family
names, stripping them of some of their humanity -- and also making
21st-century genealogical searches more difficult.

"I apologize in the name of the church because we allowed some of
these things to continue. This is sinful. Racism is sinful," he said.

Copyright 2011 by United Press International
--

Brant Positive Action Group <https://sites.google.com/site/bpagsiegholle> -a
positive community affirmative action group that promotes goodwill and
timely cost effective creative solutions to enhance the competitive well
being of Brant Brantford and Six Nations

Wisdom and the reality of Retarded Grandparents?

-Priceless wisdom from the innocent on growing old

* RETARDED GRANDPARENTS

Written by a third grader, on what his grandparents do.

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their
holiday away from school.
\*

*One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They
used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved
to **Arizona** . *

* Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like
grass. They ride around on their bicycles, and wear name tags, because they
don't know who they are anymore.*

* They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it
fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do
them very well. *

*There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats
on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in
it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and
go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out.
And, they eat the same thing every night - early birds. *

*Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones
who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.*

* My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment
and, says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. *

*When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I
will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

PRICELESS